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DMK Editorial

Divorce Workshop Advice Column

01 January 2023

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Dear Honey Wexler,

My husband James and I are in the process of divorcing.  We're in our late twenties, but don't have children.  We do have two dogs that we decided would be better in my care because one of the dogs was mine before we married and we don't want to split them up.  He takes the dogs every weekend until the divorce is final, so we still see each other weekly.

He moved in with a friend to save money because neither of us make a lot.  In fact, some of the reasons for our divorce include financial problems.

Recently, I noticed he is making some large purchases and has a planned international vacation in the coming months which I suspect cost pretty much.  We still have a joint checking account, but neither of our paychecks are direct deposited into it anymore so there isn't much in there.  I checked to see if what was left was being used for any of his purchases, but it hasn't been touched.  

We have some joint investment accounts, but he hasn't withdrawn anything from those either.  I spoke with my attorney who suggested we hire a forensic accountant, but the cost to do so may outweigh the benefit.  My attorney suggested I ask James where he's getting the money for the big purchases, so I mentioned it in passing.  I wasn't accusing, I just joked a bit that leaving me seemed to be good for his pocketbook if he could afford to travel to Ireland.

While our divorce has been mostly amicable and a mutual decision, his response was surprising.  He was very dismissive and rather sharp which is strange for his personality.  I felt pretty uncomfortable.  Since then, he canceled two times to pick up the dogs.

While we both decided divorce was best, he was the one who surprised me with the suggestion.  I can't help but wonder if his decision was based on an outside factor related to his finances or perhaps someone new.  

Since our confrontation I haven't been able to stop thinking and frankly obsessing over it.  Our entire marriage has been riddled with financial stress.  Despite wanting to just put it out of my mind, I truthfully feel a little bitter over the idea that he suddenly has enough money for things we never could buy together.

What should I do???

Erin L.

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