It's no wonder the holidays bring about so much emotion. Nostalgic tones of the season bring to mind thoughts of family, memory, aspirations and loss within our heads. Everywhere we go there are decorations, holiday inspired food and goods that remind us the holidays are in full swing! When a difficult life event occurs at the same time, the nostalgic tone is like nails screeching on a chalk board. Every memory, issue and possibility that can ruin this time of the year drops us like a glass ornament.
Don't let it in
Overthinking around the holidays happens to the best of us. Like mentioned above, our schools, homes, stores and places of worship easily evoke such holiday banter in our heads. This includes the good, the bad and the ugly of holiday past, present and future. All types of burdens surface about money, family and romance.
In an effort to keep you from overthinking Thanksgiving and the holidays that follow, we have put together a few short tips about how to shut down common thoughts, obsessive fears and concerns divorcees fester over (based on a recent poll).
6 Ways to shut the oven door on Thinkgiving
So that you can give more time to the people and activities you really love
1. New Tradition
Regardless if your concerns are about the future or just feel anger towards your spouse for messing up your happy family, take value out of the past and create a simple, unique plan for this holiday season beginning with Thanksgiving. Perhaps you and your kiddos could make a day out of shopping for a smaller tree this year. Make a new tradition adding special things like a stop for hot coco, making or purchasing an annual ornament, involving them in the menu selection, etc. Maybe you can decide to reprieve a young turkey altogether, opting for a different main course.
If your kids are resistant or against change, incorporate something that brings them happiness, engage them, then use your parenting prowess to keep the holidays top-of-mind in the best ways possible. This means keep spirits light, have fun and laugh off the problems.
Don't let the stress from your divorce infiltrate your holiday. Bad turkey happens. If you lose your cool during stressful situations, regroup and move on sooner than later.
2. K.I.S.S.
Keep it Super Simple is a motto we always push here at DMK. Mixing holidays and divorce is like prescription drugs and booze. You're not in your right mind 
. Really, none of us are amidst the holidays around divorce. So don't feel bad. No matter how together you think you are right now, know that you and your family are in a transition mode. Take things slow but get them done. We recommend a layering affect. Instead of decorating the home for the entire holiday before Thanksgiving, focus on one thing at a time. Don't try to keep up with years past and expect the unexpected. Expecting mistakes will allow you to be forgiving of yourself and others when mistakes happen, and they will happen. If you can afford to have your shopping done for you, so be it. Ask for- or hire help when you need it. This means its okay to ask your kids to pitch in a bit if they are old enough. The only exception? Don't ask friends and family to pitch in if you ignore what we say and try to do it all. It can drive those you love away. The holidays are supposed to bring you together. Strange, but true. So when things start going downhill, stop, think and adjust your thinking.
3. Changes
Don't stress and overthink every little detail to keep things just right for the sake of your family. Truth is, changes are a comin' and the sooner you acknowledge them, the sooner you can help others in your family accept them. Less money, less time and just plain less means simplify or expect problems, for now. When did anyone say that if you scale things back on the invite list, decorations and plans that it would be this way forever? Change may not always be good but it is a fact of life and in the case of divorce this change will pass.
4. Ex, Ex, Ex, Ex
Too much ex around the holidays is like over-salting a juicy piece of turkey. Don't do it.
If there was a magic potion to disallow your good or bad feelings about your ex or soon-to-be around the holidays we would be the first to know and we assure you, there isn't one. The closest thing we can recommend when he/she pops up in your head is to change the narrative. Immediately. This means, call a friend, go for a walk in a place that does not evoke memories of him/her, make something, clean something, reorganize. Whatever it takes, but get him/her out of your mind. Moreover, the best way to keep the ex from sabotaging your holidays is to stay busy before thoughts of them pop up in your head. And never, ever, drunk text, call, over gift or sleep with him/her. If things are over, they are over.
5. Guess who's coming to dinner?
This one is a weird one because we just said to keep the ex out of your head and out of your way around the holidays. But, there is a simple exception that applies to the first few holiday seasons and in 95% of the cases, only the first holiday season. Allowing both spouses to be mutually part of certain holiday celebrations may be better based on certain circumstances. While ripping the band-aid off is a good mantra when getting everyone up to speed on impending changes, as long as your family is aware this is a phasing out, not phasing back in gesture, sharing some initial holidays may help others acclimate to the bigger changes ahead. It should be based on each family, the spousal relationship and circumstances. In some cases, it can do more harm than good, so be cautious but trust your instincts. Divorce is hard on everyone and while change must take place, small fractures in tradition may be where to start rather than hard breaks.
6. Kids
If we didn't overthink our kids and the holidays amidst a divorce, we would be weird. But the fact is that kids are kids. By nature, they are simple. Only you shine the light on the little things. While you think you are keeping things up and right and oh so perfect for them, know that in most cases, much of it is for you. Of course they may have certain things that are important to them so open the lines of communication early. Know that even when they tell you it's okay if some things are left out, they may still balk at the idea when the big day rolls around, leaving you to wonder. But, know that regardless how perfect that holiday seems, they will find reasons to be unhappy that are less about the holiday and more about the idea that things are just not the same and they will be right. They struggle to connect the dots the same way adults do, so be patient and know that things won't be the same, even if they are, even if if your ex attends. They know it, your ex knows it and you know it.